How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize