If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
