No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
