please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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