you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
