she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
they're like a gay fantastic four
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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