I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
