if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
