When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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