peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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