I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
