Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
