Don't make out with my wife yet
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
