hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
