Non-Jews are for practice
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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