i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This is classic penis vs brain.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
