he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
