I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
