and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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