you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
