i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
