Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
