Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
