What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize