So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize