Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
