Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I AM VODKA MAN
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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