if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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