So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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