i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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