Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
