I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Drake has all the answers
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
