if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize