i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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