obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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