We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
