She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
