I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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