your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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