I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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