There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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