the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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