I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
