you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sorry about my life...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize