K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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