to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize