yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
