i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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