shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
there is puke in my bra ... again
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