So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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