I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
