Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
