You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
