nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
