You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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