boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
