Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
