I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
