Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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