FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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