Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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