my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
